||[Oct. 7th, 2006|02:13 pm]
|||||home. in bed.||]|
-This woman died fighting for something real, leaving behind a daughter and son. She was a dying breed...
-I read something that made me question what I do everyday today....even though it is written by someone whom I don't identify with politically, I still thought this was beautiful...
You claim to know something of beauty, but don't recognize the song of summer and love. The rhythms of hearts pumping blood, faster, not for fear, but because it might be their last. Pumping fast, last chance before spilling, staining the earth. Tell me, what do you do as the bombs fall... as the humvees roll through blaring "leave town or die"... as my son clutches a rifle, for his brother...as the buildings fall around you and the earth shakes with anger...do you hold your child's hand, try to comfort him back to innocence? Do you cook an exquisite meal with a few dried herbs and your last hen? Do you taste the sweat on your lover's flesh, cradle his head in your lap? Stay up to watch the sun beat back the night? Do you close your eyes to dream or do you fight? Do you pray?
Tell me, how do you mark the days - when each beauty could be your last. I want to know, how do you choose?
We'll call forth beauty, i swear to you...in a promise pressed in place by boots caked in mud, scraps of life, bits of blood, caked in dreams, stepped on, but not disgraced. We'll call forth beauty that sends spasms into space and runs marathons in one place.
We'll call forth beauty with our beating hearts and breathing chests. Our beauty will outlive you and out sing you. It will dance in warm rains and saturate the air.
It made me think, we live our lifes so fast, before you know it you're 30 years old, what do you have to show for it? Do we really recognize the beauty in our everyday actions, or think about how lucky we are to be in good health, good spirits and most of all good nature? We spend so much time in analysis, in reverie, but are we really living in REALITY?
When I was in middle school, I loathed everything, like most 13 year olds do. I hated myself, my friends, my family and thought everyone else was to blame for my problems except me. And so it goes. Growing older, I placed my own happiness in the hands of others, whether it be a friend or lover, I never really knew how to make myself live in reality, I was always in a constant state of denial. Through tearful break ups with friends and lovers, I eventually learned the ins and outs of how to be alone.
Throughout the past year, it's been different though, I've learned what I love like never before. I've amazed others around me and most of all I've amazed myself. Even though I know the past year hasn't been the best one I've ever had...it's probably been the hardest...I'm the happiest I've ever been. I truly wake up everyday with a insatiable fervor for life. I've learned so much about my capabilities, but I could only learn through adversity.
Last year, I had a seizure. A grand-mal seizue to be exact. I was walking down the street in broad daylight, reading the Wildcat after a class (walking while reading, yes) and before I knew it, everything was bright, and it was blocking my view from the words in front of me. In a split second, I was in a stretcher atop freshly mowed grass in front of a sorority house. A muscular man with sandy blonde hair was hovering over me. "What's going on?" I asked in an clouded state. "You had a seizure."
I remember one of my middle school friends telling me about seizues, her cousin was an epileptic. Sometimes he would shake uncontrollably, lose his bowels and people would have to shove a blunt object into his mouth to prevent him from swallowing his tongue. I was amazed. This happened to me? How? Besides not knowing where I was, what the time was or even how to contact my mother, I had no idea what just happened to me. As a self-proclaimed hypocondriac who looks up every ailment possible, I had lost control. The previous evening, I had been sitting at home watching my favorite television show with my head in his lap, I was in paradise, and now I was tightly strapped to a stretcher en route to UMC via ambulance?
I would like to continue this but I don't have enough time right now....ha, ha to be continued....