Log in

No account? Create an account
my heart on a polygraph [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Sep. 14th, 2005|12:51 pm]
life is SO not fair.
link1 comment|post comment

!!! [Sep. 6th, 2005|03:33 pm]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]
[music |Forever in the First Stages of Love- We Ragazzi]

So...time for my bi-monthly update.
I actually am getting into school this semester. That does not mean that I am not still perfecting the art of procrastination, but rather that I am actually getting "into" this journalism thing as a whole, and accepting it as my major etc, etc. Now it's time to pick a minor!!!
I just got a job at the Wildcat, which for me is very exciting because now I'll have a chance to showcase my AMAZING (sarcasm) journalism skillz. I'm not going to be covering the things I'm particularly interested in, but everyone has to start somewhere. I'm also going to be doing some new UA magazine...but the details of that are sort of up in the air right now.
I just had an amazing weekend, or rather an amazing past two days spent with who is fast becoming my favorite person to be around ever. I love being able to do nothing, or just spend time with someone without television or outside distractions. I am astonished by my great luck in meeting someone who I believe will probably leave a huge mark on my life.
With all this comes great mental clarity, and a peace of mind that I've never had before.
I feel like I am moving forward with life, rather than waiting at a standstill.
link2 comments|post comment

this is just my defense mechanism. [Aug. 26th, 2005|08:29 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |my fannnnn]

i have been in a rather odd mood all day. i've been very quiet and basically anti-social. My mind has been full of thoughts and questions about those around me. I don't know if I'm just sick of humanity or maybe I need some work, maybe it's me, or maybe not.
I feel like whenever I want to call someone selfish, I should step back and wonder why I would even have that thought in the first place. Usually when I see others calling others selfish I see no truth to their words and usually it is just a reflection of the person who is deeming the other with that title. I believe to some degree that everyone is selfish, but in my case I try not to be, but I know sometimes it's hard.
disclaimer: i'm basically just rambling and trying to get my thoughts out...
I just wish people would say what they mean more often, and I wish others would not offer empty promises due to sympathy. I watch the people around me say things that they don't mean, and even forge friendships that they don't want, and I know it's because they don't want to let someone down, but honesty is seriously the key to communication, and we all could use some better skillz (if you will) in that area.

As I grow into adulthood that the only person I have by my side is myself. I have to go through this alone, and ultimately I need to make the life I will live, because I will always live with my conscious mind. I know I have family, my friends, those who care about me etc., but they are all trying to lead their own life, and searching for their own state of happiness or whatever you want to call it.
As I tackle new issues and existential mind tricks, I wonder if my lack of emotion at times is general apathy or maturity. I know how some things just don't bother me anymore, some people just aren't worth it, and sometimes you just can't please everyone. I've come to this general mindsent of acceptance of those around me, and also of what life has to offer. I feel like I know what I can and can't expect out of my close friends, and I know that if I cannot laugh about what ails me or even what adversity I have to face, then I'm just wasting time thinking about the past.
I wonder why I am not like other people; magnetic and entertaining, but then I just accept the fact that I'm me and that's basically all I have to offer someone else. I can take things for what they are. I have an explanation for everything that challenges my self-esteem, or intellect, or even my heart.
I wonder why sometimes my friends don't call me back or don't invite me to do things, but then I just say that they just forgot or thought I would be busy, or they just didn't want me to go, and that's ok.
I wonder sometimes if I would have made one different decision where I would be, but then everything happens for a reason. I try to find the positive in everything, I try to learn from my experiences rather than regret them.
I wonder why I don't have a good memory, but then I just assure myself that I remember what's important, so I'm fine.
I know I'm a great person, and I know others see it in me.
If I know all of this, then what can hurt me?
link3 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2005|12:39 pm]

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?
Flirting Skill Level - 66%
Kissing Skill Level - 59%
Cudding Skill Level - 26%
Sex Skill Level - 94%
Why They Love You You give much more than you receive.
Why They Hate You You are too sexy.
This fun quiz by lady_wintermoon - Taken 3413572 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology and Horoscopes

linkpost comment

(no subject) [Aug. 5th, 2005|10:20 pm]

the Cutting Edge

(60% dark, 43% spontaneous, 22% vulgar)

your humor style:

Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.

Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender

free online dating
free online dating

You scored higher than 67%
on dark

free online dating
free online dating

You scored higher than 49%
on spontaneous

free online dating
free online dating

You scored higher than 20%
on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid
link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [Aug. 3rd, 2005|01:37 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Trying to figure out what is right and wrong is always a rather difficult task especially in the arena of drugs and alchohol. I never thought so until now. My lines have always been clearly drawn, but lately I feel they have blurred. I feel I have gone back and forth with what I believe is safe and unsafe, and I have been against using drugs, but then I have also done them myself (and continue to do so.) It leaves me to wonder...how long am I and/or we going to be like this?I feel that later in life I will stop doing these things, but for others I'm not so sure, and that worries me. I have trouble attempting to be the "mother" in these situations, both because I am very stubborn and usually believe I am right, and also because usually the receiving end does not want me to be the "moral police." I cannot help but want to help people and want to see changes for the better, but I also have to accept the fact that I cannot change a person and even if I wanted to, a true individual needs to change on their own. I seem hypocritical very often, because even though I do not condem certain acts, I still participate in others that could be "just as bad." I feel I have my habits under control, so its okay for me to do it, but doesn't every other person feel that way, and that's how they end up getting into trouble? I am trying oh-so-hard to be a sane, logical human being when I come across situations that I feel very strongly about. Too many times I have let my emotions get the best of me, and even though I feel it has been beneficial, I still don't want to be "that person."
Ugh, sometimes it's just hard.
Amongst other happenings, school is coming up quickly. I hope to do extremely well this semester to make up for that lack-luster semester I would rather forget. As of now I have three classes...hopefully I can get into two more. Money is always an issue, but isn't something always the issue?
I just returned from a wonderful trip with my favorite person in the world, and I'm oh-so-happy I came back loving him even more than before I left. Actually, as the days pass I think I just get luckier and luckier.
I have been eating healthier, and working out almost everyday, which is awesome because it has aided me in my personal effort to quit smoking cigarettes. I'm still going strong even after coming across a pack of Amercian Spirits in Che's last night. I could have taken them! It would have been so easy! But I didn't! Go me.
link1 comment|post comment

hahahahha! [Jul. 18th, 2005|12:21 pm]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]

How Good are you at Certain Things?
Favorite Color 
Sex - 100%
Romance - 70%
Self - Control - 9%
Kissing - 71%
Cuddling - 68%
Kinkiness - 98%
This QuickKwiz by KillianO - Taken 1836420 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology

linkpost comment

(no subject) [Jun. 28th, 2005|01:30 pm]
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |bring em out]

life is good
moving. lovin. chillin.
ahhhh summertime livin is easy.
link2 comments|post comment

!!! [Jun. 9th, 2005|08:25 am]
[mood |bouncybouncy]

i've been so excited, im nauseous.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Jun. 4th, 2005|12:59 pm]
[mood |anxiousanxious]

i went to one wedding last night and tonight i have yet another to attend. (tonight's should be very fun)
last night the newly married couple shared their first dance to Fade into You by Mazzy Star...and it brought tears to my eyes. Weddings are soo emotional. I didn't even really know the couple (I know the groom's dad) but I still was getting all choked up...i got my hair did yesterday...it looks nice, for once.
i need to start getng more than...hmm...3 hours of sleep a night. im so cranky on the days that i have worked and only slept like 3 hours.
oh well...sometimes...it's worth it.
linkpost comment

now that its over, i love you more and more [Jun. 2nd, 2005|11:09 am]
soft cheese go with white wine. hard cheeses go with red.
link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [May. 30th, 2005|03:19 am]
[mood |awakeawake]

urg. my whole entire day was wasted because i stayed up too late last night. oh well. at least i got through work today, which was incredibly shitty. it was worth it though, i needed a night of fun debachery to make up for all the nights ive been going home and sleeping away the day.
i've been pretty blah this entire week. even though i am not necessarily sad, i am feeling rather anti-social at times. sometimes things just get under my skin even if i try not to let it.
on the upside, i don't have to work tomorrow.
i want to bar-b-que.
someday, i'll have the capacity to accept the things i cannot change.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [May. 11th, 2005|02:56 pm]

Your Birthdate: December 15

With a birthday on the 15th of any month, you are apt to have really strong attachments to home, family and domestic scene.

The 1 and 5 equaling 6, provide the sort of energy that makes you an excellent parent or teacher.

You are very responsible and capable.

This is an attractive and an attracting influence.

You like harmony in your environment and strive to maintain it.

You tend to learn by observation rather than study and research.

You may like to cook, but you probably don't follow recipes.

This number shows artistic leanings and would certainly support an talents that may be otherwise in your makeup.

You're a very generous and giving person, but perhaps a bit stubborn in ways.

link1 comment|post comment

(no subject) [May. 11th, 2005|01:17 am]
[mood |complacentcomplacent]
[music |blueprint- jay-z]

dont you love it when you get an im and it just pops up out of nowhere and your kinda surprised and shocked.
so your just lke, "hey."
instant messaging (test messaging as well) is just impersonal.
what happened to animation and emotion?
i guess i can say that for myself at times as well.
but i know im not the only one...
linkpost comment

i've never done one of these before! [May. 9th, 2005|09:45 pm]
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
07. Put this in your journal
link6 comments|post comment

i'm an oxymoron...naughty yet innocent [Apr. 28th, 2005|11:52 am]
[mood |complacentcomplacent]
[music |television]


Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
linkpost comment

dont look back in anger, i heard you say. [Apr. 25th, 2005|05:06 pm]
[mood |numbnumb]
[music |pretty girls make graves]

my bikes tires are partially flat.
eh i dont like this thing.
i dont really have anything interesting to say...
linkpost comment

I'm sure I could name more. [Apr. 21st, 2005|10:55 pm]
[mood |pessimisticpessimistic]

10 men who give love a bad name

By Amy Spencer

1. Henry VIII
Talk about picky! The 16th-century English king had no problem scoring women and even married six of them. But if they bore him daughters instead of sons, he dropped them like hot potatoes. Some he just divorced or had banished from his court, but the unluckiest ones (second wife Anne Boleyn and fifth wife Katherine Howard) he had executed... Ouch. Sorry, Henry, don't think that's what was meant by 'til death do you part.

2. Donald Trump
If you can put a price on love, Donald Trump will still get it at a discount. Though the real-estate mogul has a net worth of about $2.6 billion, he pulled some tricks out of his own tome, The Art of the Deal, by haggling for his honey's engagement ring. Instead of paying the full $1.5 million for fiancée Melania Knauss' 15-carat diamond ring, he paid only half to jeweler Tony Graff in return for the gem's appearance on The Apprentice. Donald, doesn't half-price only buy you half-love?

3. Mick Jagger
Now, we understand sex goes hand in hand with rock and roll on the road, but when is this 61-year-old rocker going to pull over? The Rolling Stones frontman can't seem to stop fathering kids en route, and now has seven children with four different women, ranging from age 24 (Karis, with singer Marsha Hunt) to a wee five (Lucas, with Brazilian model Luciana Gimenez Morad). And the girlfriends in-between—including actress Sophie Dahl—are as young as his kids. You're already a grandfather, Mick. Satisfaction coming any time soon?

4. Tony Soprano
We often can't help feeling a soft spot for television's toughest guy, but geez, Tony, can you not be faithful for five minutes to Carmela? For five seasons, we've had to watch him not-so-secretly cheat on his wife with a Russian, a depressed career-woman, and the strippers in the back room of the Bada Bing!—not to mention hitting on his own therapist! Carmela kicked the lug out last year, but took him back when he promised to stop hitting the sheets with other women. "I swear to you on our children," he told her, "that my midlife crisis problems will no longer intrude on you anymore." Somehow, Tony, we don't believe you.

5. Justin Timberlake
Guys aren't usually the ones to kiss and tell, but in November 2002, this one told the whole country during a TV interview. Months after Justin and his Mickey Mouse Club co-star Britney Spears had broken up, the boy-bander was asked if Britney had kept to her promise to save herself for marriage. Justin took the low road and answered, "Sure, sure," so sarcastically that Brit's good-girl bubble was burst. Britney was forced to fess up later, telling the press, "I thought he was the one. But I was wrong. I didn't think he was gonna go on Barbara Walters and sell me out!" Cry us a river, Justin, that wasn't your dirt to dish.

6. Pat Buchanan
This famously conservative political commentator married Nixon's secretary Shelley Ann Scarney in 1971, and we can only assume she's been doing the dishes for him ever since. In his 1990 memoir Right From The Beginning, Pat made it clear that he's not the least bit open to the idea of equal, loving partnerships, saying, "The real liberators of American women were not the feminist noise-makers, they were the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, the freezer." Clearly, he likes the little ladies at home with an apron and a bottle of Mr. Clean. But feeling liberated? Hardly.

7. Robert Johnson
The way this blues singer moans and wails about women, you'd think love was the death of us all. Sure, he had some horrible luck in his love life: His first wife Virginia died in childbirth, and legend has it that Robert died at age 27 after a woman's jealous husband poisoned him. But the misery in his music is even worse as he moans lines like, "Leavin' this mornin'…I've been mistreated, baby and I don't mind dyin'." After lyrics like that, we need a big lovey hug from Richard Simmons!

8. Matt Damon
Some people find out they've been dumped by phone, some by Post-it, and others when their boyfriends announce it on Oprah! In 1998, Matt wasn't even asked about his relationship with Good Will Hunting co-star Minnie Driver, but he chose to tell Oprah and her 20 million viewers he had news anyway: They'd broken up. According to Minnie, that's the first she'd heard of it! Even if, as Matt claimed, they split ten days before his Oprah appearance, it wasn't right to turn daytime television into his personal love press conference. So much for good will, Matt.

9. Ralph Kramden
He's one of the most beloved icons of our time, but we have a bone to pick with the lovable loud-mouth. The Honeymooner got the biggest chuckles when he pumped his fist at his wife Alice and said, "To the moon, Alice," and "One of these days, Alice, one of these days. Pow! Right in the kisser!" Yes, Ralph, we heard the laugh track, but the truth is, threatening to pop a woman just isn't that funny.

10. Howard Stern
This radio shock jock has always touted his monogamy, first with Alison Stern, his ex-wife, and now with girlfriend Beth Ostrosky. Yet he spends his daily four-hour morning show talking women into stripping for him, spraying whipped cream on their bodies and having girl-on-girl encounters in front of him. Who the heck approved this look-but-don't-touch policy? Yes, you make us laugh, but your alleged fidelity isn't worth much when you treat every other woman that way.
link2 comments|post comment

one more thing... [Apr. 20th, 2005|03:32 pm]
peeves for the day...
1. Using the phrase "rocks my socks"
2. Actually wishing me a happy 420.
3. When people ask to use something for a minute, and 2 hours later they are still using it.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2005|03:09 pm]
[music |radiohead- fake plastic trees]

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake chinese rubber plant
In fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plants
Just to get rid of itself.
And it wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And it wears him out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears him out.

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I can’t help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run
And it wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted,
All the time, all the time.
linkpost comment

[ viewing | 20 entries back ]
[ go | earlier/later ]